A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost.
He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says: “Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”
“You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.
“I do” replies the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but It’s of no use to anyone.”
The man below replies, “You must work in management.”
“I do,” replies the balloonist, “But how’d you know?”
“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
-http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/d72mt/so_helium_walks_into_a_bar_and_orders_a_beer/c0y2p2z
Author Dan Brown strode through the brass lobby of a bar and ordered a beer, his eyes white as something white. The bartender had eyes too.
“What’ll it be?” asked the bartender with his mouth. He raised the tone of his voice towards the end of the statement to express that he was asking a question ‘cos when someone speaks to you you can’t see question marks. “What’ll what be?” replied author Dan Brown, answering a question with a question and putting the emphasis on the what part of the reply, showing that the question he just asked is related to the question he was just asked. The bartender shifted his eyes. A little too shiftily, thought the author (Dan Brown); was it a challenge? Did he recognise me? Was he expecting me? Was I expecting this? Of course I was, I’m Dan Brown. trust no-one Dan. Disassemble him with your brains.
On wormholes, temporal anomalies, and ghostly apparitions…
Essentially, if ghosts have no mass, and thus are immune to gravity, what unfixes them in space as we move through time? Technically gravity is what keeps us from flying off planet Earth as we zoom through the cosmos. Never mind the planet spinning, the solar system is orbiting the center of the milky way, and the milky way is orbiting the super singularity at the center of the universe, etc etc. Without mass, a ghostly apparition should be fixed in space, and we would leave them behind as we zoom through the cosmos.
It had occurred to me that since the fear factor could be attributed to the EMF “fear cage” effect perhaps there are places on earth where micro wormholes opened and let photons bounce through, giving way to “windows” in space time. You would think this neatly accounts for the reoccurence of specific phenomenon, but it doesn’t. In this case the movement of the earth is the problem, since any open window that only moves in time would be looking on a different part of space.
Unless - there is something about the EMF resonance that lingers in space as well, creating a tunnel between two places not just two times. Or really a single start point and infinite end points since the phenomenon keeps recurring for multiple observers. A kind of quantum entanglement of photons.
This puts the “spooky” into Einstein’s spooky action at a distance… ;)
![thedailywhat:
Underwater River of the Day: Professional diver Anatoly Beloshchin snapped these shots of an underwater river at the Angelita cenote near Tulum.
We are 30 meters deep, fresh water, then 60 meters deep – salty water and under me I see a river, island and fallen leaves… Actually, the river, which you can see, is a layer of hydrogen sulphide.
As Redditor penzoilthehippo points out, “This totally explains how there’s a beach in Spongebob Squarepants.”
[reddit.]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l1jhddjFBo1qzpwi0o1_500.jpg)
Underwater River of the Day: Professional diver Anatoly Beloshchin snapped these shots of an underwater river at the Angelita cenote near Tulum.
We are 30 meters deep, fresh water, then 60 meters deep – salty water and under me I see a river, island and fallen leaves… Actually, the river, which you can see, is a layer of hydrogen sulphide.
As Redditor penzoilthehippo points out, “This totally explains how there’s a beach in Spongebob Squarepants.”
[reddit.]
You tube presentation of the Cancer Bats Music Video for “Sabotage”, a Beastie Boys cover…
…and if you had to read this far to know what I was linking to, you probably didn’t want to go there anyway! ;)
Monkeys
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, “I’ll have a C monkey please.”
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash, handed to the customer,saying, “That’ll be $5,000.”
The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled,the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said,”That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did it cost so much? “
The shopkeeper answered, “Ah,that monkey can program in C – very fast,tight code,no bugs,well worth the money.”
The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. “Hey,that one’s even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?”
“Oh,that one’s a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming,Visual C++, even some Java All the really useful stuff,” said the shopkeeper. The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000.The tourist gasped to the shopkeeper, “That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?”
The shopkeeper replied, “Well, I haven’t actually seen it do anything, but it says it’s a project manager”.
- From “Clean, Funny Jokes” ( mariosalexandrou.com)
